What Is This Behaviour Trying to Tell Us? Reframing Challenging Actions as Messages.
Sometimes the behaviours that challenge us most carry the deepest messages. When someone is struggling to express themselves, behaviour often becomes their voice.
In this short video, I share why looking beneath the surface of behaviour can change the way we support kids, teens, and adults with communication differences. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with this behaviour?” we can start asking, “What is this behaviour trying to tell us?”
🎥 Watch a Video on Behaviour as Communication
Why Behaviour Matters as Communication
For individuals who are non-speaking or who have difficulty using words, behaviour often communicates needs, feelings, or discomfort. When other communication methods are unavailable or inaccessible, behaviour may be the only way someone can share what’s happening inside.
Sometimes people assume that those who don’t speak “don’t communicate,” but communication happens in many forms—with or without words (through actions, gestures, or behaviours). When a person’s communication needs aren’t being met, they will often find other ways to express themselves. And when stress is high, these attempts can sometimes escalate into unsafe situations.
The High Stakes of Unmet Communication Needs: A Critical Lesson
I learned this in a memorable way years ago from a man I came to know in a group home who had a developmental disability. He was non-speaking and didn’t have access to AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication)—a term that includes both low-tech tools (like picture choice boards, communication books, or gesture systems) and high-tech tools (like tablets and devices with text-to-speech apps).
Without AAC, he had no reliable way to communicate that he was experiencing significant pain from a potentially life-threatening medical condition. His distress escalated. In a desperate attempt to show he was suffering, he injured a support worker.
Fortunately, his team followed up with a medical evaluation, which led to him receiving the urgent care he needed. That experience has stayed with me. It underscored the importance of creating reliable ways for people to share what they’re experiencing—before things reach a breaking point.
When this man was a child, proactive supports were not as commonly provided as they are today. Times have changed, and we now know from both research and lived experience that introducing communication tools like AAC early can be a proactive and empowering way to support communication for life.
How Speech Therapy Can Help with Behaviour
As speech-language pathologists, we support families by introducing tools and strategies that make communication safer, clearer, and more accessible:
• Pictures and Visuals
Visual supports can be as simple as a picture symbol, a photo, or a chart. They help individuals express what they need by pointing or showing, and they also support understanding—which is just as important. When those with communication differences can see what’s expected or what’s coming next (for example, through a visual schedule), it can reduce overwhelm and anxiety. One might point to a snack picture to request food or follow a schedule to understand their daily routine. Visuals decrease the cognitive load of recalling words and can help individuals feel more confident and in control.
• AAC Tools (Augmentative and Alternative Communication)
AAC provides individuals with a more reliable “voice” across settings—whether at school, home, or in the community. Importantly, research shows that AAC does not hinder speech development—rather, it often supports it. AAC gives people a way to share their thoughts, needs, and feelings when verbal communication is difficult.
• Emotional Vocabulary
We help kids and teens learn the words for their feelings so they can advocate for themselves. This might mean teaching a child to communicate, “I’m frustrated” or “I need a break” instead of screaming or hitting when they feel overwhelmed. Building emotional vocabulary strengthens self-advocacy and can help prevent behaviours from escalating.
When families have proactive communication strategies in place, individuals with communication differences are better equipped to share what they need in ways that strengthen relationships, reduce frustration, and support well-being.
Practical Ways to Reframe Behaviour at Home
👶 For Infants & Toddlers – Pause Before Reacting
- Instead of seeing a tantrum as “bad,” ask yourself: Could they be tired, hungry, or overstimulated? What might they be trying to tell me?
- A meltdown is a sign that something isn’t working, and it’s our job to be “communication detectives.” Even with our best efforts, we may not always uncover the “why” behind behaviour. Keeping track of when behaviours occur and what’s happening around them can sometimes reveal patterns.
🧒 For Preschool & School-Age Children – Provide Communication Tools
- Provide visuals or AAC choices so they don’t need to rely on acting out to express themselves.
- Teach them to use a “break card”—a simple card or picture they can hand to an adult when they need time to rest. This helps kids advocate for themselves without needing to escalate.
🧑 For Teens – Foster Autonomy
- Work together to create strategies they feel comfortable using—whether through apps, writing, or other creative outlets.
- Some families develop a simple “signal system” (such as a phrase, hand signal, or text emoji) that teens can use to let others know when they need space or support. This gives them more control while reducing the chance of conflict.
Recognizing Your Child’s Unique Communication Signals
💡 Behaviour is rarely random. With the right supports, kids and teens can learn safer, clearer, and more effective ways to communicate what’s really going on. Sharing a list, with all caregivers, of the ways your child communicates can also be proactive. For example, some children may grab their jaw instead of their ear when they have an ear infection because the pain is felt in a nearby area. Recognizing these unique communication signals can help children get the support they need sooner.
We’re Here to Support You
✨ At Communicating Together Therapy & Wellness Associates, care meets possibilities.
We work with children, teens, and families to build communication supports that help individuals feel better understood.
đź“Ť Private Speech Therapy in Waterloo, Ontario
We provide private speech and language therapy in a space that embraces diverse communication methods—from AAC and gestures to spoken language—while fostering safety and understanding for everyone.
đź“© Ready to Connect? Start the Conversation About Communication Support
If your child or teen is showing behaviours that feel challenging, let’s work together to uncover what they may be trying to tell you—and find ways to support their ability to communicate their messages more effectively. We’re here when you’re ready. Contact us to start the conversation.
Please note: In some cases, consultation with a pediatrician, psychologist, or behaviour analyst may be warranted. As a speech-language pathologist, I focus on the communication aspect of behaviour.
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đź“ť A Note to Parents & Guardians
Thank you for showing up for your child with patience, curiosity, and compassion. You’re not alone on this journey.
đź‘‹ Take care,
Rhonda MacKinnon, M.Sc., S‑LP(C), Reg. CASLPO – Speech‑Language Pathologist