📣 Helping Your Child Advocate for Their Needs | A Waterloo Speech-Language Pathologist Explains

What Does It Mean for a Child to Advocate for Their Needs?

Have you ever wondered what your child is trying to tell you when they insist that something isn’t right?

Maybe your child says:

• “I don’t like this.”
• “I need help.”
• “I need a break.”
• “I don’t understand.”
• “It hurts.”

Or perhaps they communicate without words—through crying, vocalizations, gestures, facial expressions, body movements, pointing, pictures, signs, writing, or AAC.

These are all ways children can communicate their needs.

Self-advocacy involves being able to communicate what you need, want, prefer, or experience and, when possible, participate in decisions that affect you. For children, these skills develop gradually through everyday experiences of being listened to, respected, and supported. As a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) in Waterloo, Ontario, I see self-advocacy as an important part of communication development. Supporting communication is not only about helping children develop speech and language skills. It is also about helping them to learn meaningful ways to express themselves and empowering the people around them to listen.

🎥 Watch: Helping Your Child Advocate for Their Needs

In the video above, I share a personal experience involving a concern my five-year-old expressed about his glasses. His experience reminded me how important it is to listen when a child tells us that something isn’t right and to take their communication seriously.

Below, I’ll explore self-advocacy more broadly and share some practical ways parents and caregivers can support these skills at home.

Why Self-Advocacy Matters

When children learn that they can communicate their needs, and that others will listen, they have more opportunities to participate actively in their own lives.

Self-advocacy can help children:

• Express preferences and choices
• Ask for help
• Communicate when something is uncomfortable
• Say “no” or express a boundary
• Let others know when they are confused
• Request a break
• Participate in decisions
• Communicate what they need to feel comfortable and successful

Asking for help is self-advocacy.

Requesting a break is self-advocacy.

Using an AAC device, such as a communication app or speech-generating device, to communicate “I don’t like this” is self-advocacy.

Importantly, self-advocacy does not mean children have to do everything independently. Learning to advocate for yourself takes time, practice, and support. Children benefit from having trusted adults who listen, model self-advocacy, and help them find ways to communicate what they need. In fact, many adults find it challenging to advocate for themselves at times. Developing these skills is a lifelong process.

The aim is to give children more reliable ways to communicate and participate, while providing the support they need as these skills develop. Research suggests that giving children opportunities to make choices, express their preferences, and have a say in decisions that affect them can help them develop self-determination—the ability to understand what they want and need, communicate those needs, and have a meaningful role in decisions about their own lives.

Communication Is More Than Spoken Words

When we talk about self-advocacy, it is important not to equate communication with speech alone.

Some children communicate primarily through spoken language. Others use a combination of speech, gestures, signs, pictures, writing, and/or augmentative and alternative communication (AAC).

A child might:

• Say “Too loud.”
• Cover their ears and move away.
• Point to a visual showing “break.”
• Use an AAC device to request help.
• Shake their head to indicate “no.”
• Bring an adult to something they need help with.
• Type or write down what they want to say.
• Say “Please wait, I’m not finished talking.”

These are all meaningful forms of communication.

A child does not need to be speaking in full sentences before they can begin advocating for themselves.

If a child does not yet have the words to say “I need help,” an adult might model “help,” offer a visual (e.g., by showing a picture or object), or provide access to AAC. The goal is not necessarily for the child to repeat a particular phrase, but to be supported in finding a more reliable way to communicate their message.

Self-Advocacy Starts With Being Heard

One of the most powerful things adults can do to support self-advocacy is to listen. Listening can take many forms, especially when children communicate in ways other than spoken words. Their bodies, behaviours, facial expressions, and changes in how they participate can sometimes give us important clues about what they may be experiencing.

Pay attention to changes in:

• Body language — moving away, becoming still, covering their ears, turning away, or seeking closeness
• Facial expressions — looking worried, frustrated, uncomfortable, or excited
• Gestures and actions — pointing, pushing something away, reaching for something, or showing you what they need
• Behaviour — becoming more active, withdrawn, upset, repetitive, or unusually quiet
• Mood or emotional state — changes in frustration, anxiety, excitement, or engagement
• Eating or drinking patterns — eating less, refusing foods they usually eat, eating more slowly, or showing changes in what they are willing to eat
• Sleep or energy levels — difficulty settling, disrupted sleep, or seeming unusually tired
• Participation — avoiding an activity, leaving a space, or becoming less engaged in something they usually enjoy

These changes do not necessarily tell us exactly what is wrong, but they can be important clues that something has changed. Instead of immediately deciding what the problem is, pause and get curious.

You might ask:

• “Can you show me?”
• “Can you point to it?”
• “What feels wrong?”
• “Do you need help?”
• “Do you need a break?”
• “Can you tell me another way?”

Sometimes we have to become detectives. We can think about what happened before the child became upset, what was happening around them, and what they might be trying to communicate.

Being heard also does not mean that a child will always get what they are asking for. Adults still have responsibilities and sometimes need to set limits.

A child might say:

“I don’t want to go.”

An adult may need to respond:

“I hear that you don’t want to go. We still need to leave, but let’s figure out what might make this easier.”

The important message is:

“Your communication matters, even when the answer isn’t always yes.”

When adults notice and respond to a child’s communication, even when they cannot change the situation, they show the child that their voice has value. Over time, these experiences can help children become more confident in communicating their needs, preferences, boundaries, and concerns.

If a child continues to be distressed, or you notice significant changes in eating, sleep, behaviour, or participation, consider whether there may be an underlying reason. Concerns about pain, hearing, vision, eating, sleep, or other aspects of your child’s health should be discussed with an appropriate healthcare professional.

Everyday Opportunities to Practise Self-Advocacy

Self-advocacy skills can be supported both through intentional teaching and through everyday experiences. In therapy, a Speech-Language Pathologist may use activities such as role-playing, modelling, or guided practice to help children develop these skills. Parents and caregivers can then support their child by creating opportunities to practise self-advocacy during everyday routines and situations.

Here are some ways to get started:

1. Offer Meaningful Choices

Choices give children opportunities to communicate preferences.

You might ask:

• “Do you want the blue cup or the green cup?”
• “Do you want to walk or ride?”
• “Do you want help or do you want to try yourself?”

Whenever possible, give your child enough time to respond.

And remember that communication may sometimes tell you that neither option is what they want. That information is valuable too.

2. Model Asking for Help

Instead of immediately stepping in when your child is struggling, consider pausing and modelling:

“This is hard. You can ask me for help.”

You can then provide the support your child needs.

This teaches children that asking for help is a communication strategy—not a failure.

3. Teach Words and Ways to Communicate Boundaries

Children can benefit from having ways to communicate:

• “Stop.”
• “No.”
• “I don’t like that.”
• “I need some space.”
• “I need a break.”

These messages can be communicated through speech, gestures, signs, visuals, AAC, or other communication methods.

Supporting children to communicate their boundaries is an important part of supporting meaningful participation and autonomy.

4. Follow Your Child’s Communication

If your child communicates that something is wrong, try to respond to the message rather than focusing only on how it was communicated.

For example, if your child pushes something away rather than saying “no,” you might respond:

“You’re saying no. You don’t want that.”

You are showing your child that their communication has been noticed and understood, while also modelling another way they could communicate the same message—without putting pressure on them to use those words. When children feel pressured to communicate in a particular way, communication can become more difficult rather than feeling natural and meaningful. For more about why a low-pressure approach matters, see Things You Won’t Hear in Speech Therapy: Here’s Why.

♾️ A Neurodiversity-Affirming Perspective

At Communicating Together Therapy & Wellness Associates, we approach communication support through a neurodiversity-affirming lens.

This means recognizing that there is no single “correct” way for children to communicate, learn, or engage with the world.

Self-advocacy should not be about making children appear more “typical.” Instead, we focus on helping children develop meaningful communication skills while respecting their individual differences.

From this perspective:

• Communication can take many forms.
• AAC and other communication supports are valid ways to communicate.
• Children’s preferences and boundaries matter.
• Communication differences are not automatically problems to eliminate.
• Therapy should support meaningful participation rather than compliance for its own sake.
• Children should have opportunities to communicate what matters to them.

For some children, this may mean developing spoken language. For others, it may mean strengthening AAC use, visual communication, gestures, social communication, or a combination of approaches.

The most important question is not simply, “How can we get this child to communicate more?”

It is also:

“Does this child have a reliable way to communicate what matters to them, and are the people around them listening?”

How Speech-Language Pathologists Can Help

A Speech-Language Pathologist can help identify ways to support a child’s communication and self-advocacy based on their individual strengths and needs.

Depending on the child, this may include support with:

• Expressive and receptive language
• Functional communication
• Asking for help
• Communicating preferences
• Social communication
• Communication repair strategies
• AAC
• Understanding and expressing emotions
• Communicating boundaries
• Participating in everyday routines and activities

There is no single self-advocacy goal that is right for every child.

For one child, it might be learning to ask for clarification when they do not understand.

For another, it might be communicating “I need a break.”

For another, it may mean developing reliable access to AAC so they can communicate across different environments.

Therapy should be individualized around what is meaningful for the child and family.

Private Pediatric Speech Therapy in Waterloo, Ontario

If you live in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge, or the surrounding area and would like support with your child’s communication development, I would be happy to help.

At Communicating Together Therapy & Wellness Associates, we provide:

• Speech sound and motor speech therapy
• Early language intervention
• Social communication support
• Literacy development support
• Parent and caregiver coaching
• Neurodiversity-affirming care for ADHD, autistic, and other neurodivergent children and teens
• Support for children and teens who stutter
• Support for reluctant communicators
• AAC support

My approach is individualized, family-centred, strengths-based, and collaborative.

👉 Visit communicatingtogether.ca to learn more or schedule a complimentary 10- to 15-minute phone consultation.

📚 Looking for More? Explore Our Resources and Family-Friendly Strategies

You may also be interested in:

• What is Neurodiversity-Affirming Speech Therapy? | Speech Therapist Explains
• Strengths-Based Speech Therapy for Kids: Why It Works
• Finding the Right Fit: Choosing a Speech-Language Pathologist for Your Child
• Speech Therapy Is Doing More Than You Think | Social Communication Explained
• How Children Build Communication Skills Through Connection
• Read more on our blog

A Gentle Reminder

Your child’s communication does not have to look a certain way to matter.

The aim is not to make every child communicate in the same way.

What matters is helping children have meaningful, accessible ways to express their needs, preferences, feelings, and boundaries—and supporting the adults in their lives to listen, respond, and help children develop their ability to communicate and self-advocate.

Every child deserves to feel heard, understood, and supported in communicating what they need.

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⚠️ Disclaimer

This blog is intended for general informational purposes only and does not replace individualized assessment, therapy, or medical advice. Please consult a licensed Speech-Language Pathologist, physician, or other qualified healthcare professional regarding your child’s specific needs.

👋 Take care,

Rhonda MacKinnon, M.Sc., S-LP(C), Reg. CASLPO – Speech-Language Pathologist